RePrinted with Permission from Dimensions Magazine

he Mythology of Obesity tells us that sex with a fat partner is either fruitless or impossible. It's a prejudice that crosses all boundaries of race, class, education, and physique: you're as likely to encounter it in a gynecologist's office as in the pages of The National Lampoon.

In the real world, sex is more likely to be impeded by anxiety than adiposity. Fear of rejection, fear of not meeting the partner's expectations, and fear of not being able to perform are among the most common emotional barriers to intercourse. Some dysfunctional people harbor feelings of guilt over their sexual needs, or lack the skill or desire to stimulate their partner. Even mild anxiety can impede or disable sexual performance. Ignorance and inexperience contribute their own problems. "Frequently, for instance" reveals Dr. Helen Singer Kaplan in Psychology Today, "neither spouse knows where the clitoris is or recognizes its potential for eliciting erotic pleasure. They have intercourse as soon as the husband has an erection, and he ejaculates without considering whether his partner is ready. Such couples genuinely wonder why the wife does not reach orgasm."

Fat people suffer all these problems in spades. The social pressures they endure create numerous obstacles to sexual interaction. The most direct effect comes from dieting: prolonged semistarvation can seriously dampen the libido, and a woman who is losing weight can experience a disruption of her normal menstrual cycle. Indirect effects of prejudice include a lack of opportunity, a history of rejection, and a negative body image. "Some obese woman, fearful of competing for a man's interest, avoid interpersonal encounters and disparage males in general," writes Dr. Barbara E. Bess in the journal Consultant. "Once involved in a relationship, they doubt the partner's sincerity." Self-hatred manifests itself in a number of anti-erotic behaviors. "Some women are reluctant to act seductively for fear of rejection and ridicule. Young women ... express the desire to look 'sexy' and wear seductive clothes, but fear that men in particular will think them grotesque. ... Many obese persons attempt to hide their bodies under cover of darkness, or keep their clothes on during sexual intimacy."

Shelley Bovey found similar body- and self-image problems among fat women in Britain:

The concept of being sexually undesirable because of their weight figured strongly in the majority of the interviews I conducted with large women. Apart from agonizing experiences of rejection, I discovered a lowering of expectations. Women felt they were risking too much rejection by even contemplating a relationship with the sort of man they wanted. ... This is a circular situation which can only be broken by women acquiring self-esteem and confidence in their sexuality. While they are prepared to accept second best whatever that may mean for them those arrogant men who talked about going on 'mercy missions' will continue to claim their place in sexual politics. If women cannot believe they deserve more, then sex for them will be like 'squirting jam into a doughnut.' as Germaine Greer so graphically put it...

Fat men have even less opportunity for sexual interaction. "Despite changing social and sexual mores," notes Dr. Bess, "men still are presumed to be the sexual initiators, and such fat men are inhibited from approaching woman by the fear of rejection. This reticence can lead to social and sexual isolation." As for the FA, fear of rejection combined with a general fear of being labeled "different" may keep him out of the sexual arena for many years. Instead of going through the grope-and-fumble stage in adolescence, he has to do it as an adult. Thus, the average FA displays all the sophistication and tact of the Festrunk brothers.

Taken together, these social side-effects mean that the average fat man or woman tends to be somewhat sexually retarded, though perfectly capable of catching up with their thinner peers if the right situation presents itself. Dr. Bess marvels at the resiliency of fat women. Despite all the degradation and rejection they have suffered, she finds them "eager to enter into sexual relationships if initiated by men who are affirming, reassuring, and accepting." Most fat people, she finds, develop a normal sex life in spite of all society can do to prevent them. Among the more notable findings she culls from the recent literature are these:

• The sexual functioning of the hyperobese falls within the normal range. Few had problems with sexual performance or libido.
• For married obese persons, sex is an important source of pleasure.
• Single obese persons have a normal interest in sex, but have less opportunity to find sexual partners who consider them sexually attractive, due to the negative cultural bias. Limited sexual opportunity, rather than lack of desire, is their real problem.
• Obese persons who are not able to attract sexual partners engage in normal autoerotic masturbatory activity.
• Some fat persons are extremely active sexually, in both desire and practice, and can be stimulating and stimulated - sexual partners. ... Thus some obese persons actually may be more sexually active than their nonobese counterparts.
• Hyperobese persons display great ingenuity in finding comfortable sexual positions, thus minimizing the potential obstacles due to their great size.