Internet Dating
a guideline to safe romance on the net

Posting a Profile

Answering a profile

Getting to Know Each Other

Meeting Face-to-Face

Internet dating is rapidly becoming the way to meet others with similar interests, goals and values. We all lead hectic lives, which leave us with little time to pursue personal interests. Internet dating affords us the ability to post a personal ad and/or peruse the ads of others, all at our own leisure.

We would like to offer some hints and tips for successfully posting a profile, answering a profile, and proceeding to a face-to-face meeting safely. While we would like to see everyone successfully find friendship and/or romance, we make no guarantees. Here are some general guidelines that may prove helpful.

Posting a Profile

• Consider the information you would want to know if you were the one searching the profiles for a new friend.

• You are a valuable, wonderful person. Be sure to describe yourself as such, and put your best traits forward.
• Be honest in the information you do give. Dishonesty will eventually be discovered and could cause you embarrassment.
• Carefully consider the type of information you provide, as this will be the first impression you give people.
• Provide only general personal information. Do not provide specific information concerning your occupation or where you reside until such time as you feel comfortable in doing so.
• Try to briefly capture your personality, interests, hobbies and outlook on life. This is the place to show off your charm and humor! Attempt to pique the interest of others while expressing who you are and what you are looking for.
• Consider what you are seeking in a friendship/romance and try to convey a clear picture to attract that person.  
  
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Answering a Profile

• Carefully read the profiles and consider what the profiler says about their preferences. If someone indicates they are not interested in someone over or under a certain height, age or other criteria – believe them and don’t frustrate yourself and waste your time.

• Respond in a manner, which expresses your personality. Be honest and don’t exaggerate. Exaggerating will only frustrate you and disappoint the other person.
• Think about the impression you want to make. If you respond in a blatantly sexual manner you may never hear from anyone, or if you do, the response you get may be somewhat different than you are hoping for.
• Remember that your goal is to meet new friends and perhaps progress to romance. Don’t list a lot of restrictions that might lose you a positive response. Even if you don’t hit it off with the person you meet via the personals, they may have a friend who is just right for you. This is networking!
• If there is something unusual about you, consider sharing that information early. Finding out a potential date is 7 feet tall or covered with tattoos from ankles to wrists is not the right kind of surprise to spring at the first face-to-face meeting.
• Mention your interests and ask a few questions. “I love boating and have a 16-foot bow rider. Do you enjoy boating?”
• Try to make your first response cheery with some give and take. Avoid a long list of questions that could be intimidating to someone new. Avoid long monologues, which can be overwhelming and leave little to the imagination.
• Don’t use your response letter as an opportunity to vent concerning a previously relationship. Long tirades about how “my lousy ex cleaned out the bank account and left for Rio with my cousin” will not enamor you to anyone, nor will any sort of “poor, pitiful me” response. Be positive!
• Attempt to answer all responses to your profile. A simple courtesy note to let someone know you are pursuing a relationship with someone else and thanking them for their interest shows class.  
  
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Getting to Know Each Other 

• Be positive and upbeat. Present the best parts of your personality. Don’t produce a long list of family, health or financial woes.
• Be alert to inconsistencies and odd holes in information. Someone who does not wish to share that they work for ABC Company is totally understandable. Someone who completely avoids talking about their field of work or general information about their job should be suspect.
• When sharing photographs be prepared with a current, clear photo of yourself. Do not send a five-year-old grainy photo of yourself and your five best friends. Look around for a friend with a digital camera or a scanner and invest the time and effort to have a good, clear photo of your smiling face.  
• Remember that if you change your mind at any point along the way, it is your right to politely decline any further correspondence.
• If you feel pressure to meet face to face before you are ready, you have every right to refuse to meet.  
• Trust your instincts. If something feels wrong about the other person, it probably is. If something seems too good to be true, there is probably a reason for that as well. Be cautious.
  
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Meeting Face to Face  

• Some people want to meet soon after first contact to see if there is ‘chemistry’ before sharing a lot of information. Others prefer to correspond and phone chat until they are comfortable enough to meet in person. Both are right and whichever is comfortable for you is right for you.  
• It is wise to plan your first date for a public place with people around. Don’t meet at either of your homes or a hotel room, nor at a secluded location such as a lonely beach.  
• Plan for your first date to have a predetermined ending point. Arrange the date for breakfast or lunch with a specified ending time. If the date goes well, you can make another date. If you feel uncomfortable or uneasy, do not make another date.  
• Arrange to arrive separately. Drive your own car or take a taxi. If things don’t feel right or you become uncomfortable you don’t want to be relying on your date for a ride home.  
• Pay attention to your date’s behavior. If your date is rude or demanding to others, they will probably treat you the same way at some point.  
• Make sure that someone, friend or family, knows where and when you are to meet for your first date. If the place or time changes, share that information with your friend or family member. Also arrange to let them know by a certain time of your safe return and what steps you want them to take if you don’t make that call to them.
• Stay sober and alert. If your ‘creep meter’ goes off, pay attention. If your date makes you feel nervous or afraid, you have every right to cancel the date at any point.  
• Treat your date with respect and courtesy to help him/her feel at ease.
• And last, but not least, breathe deep, relax and enjoy yourself as you get to know your date.

 

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