arge people are bombarded daily by the message to lose weight. But we are also beginning to hear that diets don't work. There is a growing battle between the forces that have an economic interest in keeping us on the yo-yo diet merry-go-round and the forces like NAAFA that encourage us to accept our weight.
How do people exposed to both these opinions make sense of what they need to do for themselves? Do they view the attempt to lose weight as a loving act that leads to increased self-esteem, as the diet industry (and many therapists) would have them believe? Or are they beginning to regard their common experience of failed weight-loss attempts as a misguided strategy? And if they are beginning to reject weight loss as a solution, what do they face with the decision to "accept" their weight? What does this "acceptance" look like, and is it even possible? Because the cultural demand is so strong to demonstrate self-control by controlling one's weight, what does giving up the Idea that you can control your weight do to your feeling of self-control?
Some time ago, an anonymous questionnaire for large people was conducted, with the results broken down into a number of significant key findings.
Finding #1: It is possible to "accept" your body size regardless of weight. About half the people in the study said that as far as weight was concerned, their bodies were basically acceptable as they were. There was no relationship between a person's weight and their degree of acceptance: it was just as likely for someone weighing 450 to accept their body size as a someone weighing 235.
But what does "accepting one's weight" mean? Many people feel skeptical about the idea that a fat person can genuinely enjoy and be content with their body.
The fact that there are large people who seem to truly accept their bodies challenges the conventional assumptions, made by people of all body sizes, that one could not possibly "accept oneself" without being slender, or that the degree of fatness determines the degree of "unacceptability" of one's body.
It takes courage to go against the norm established by society. The effort that goes into dieting and self-abuse over being fat might be better used for frank self-examination. Deciding to accept yourself as a fat person frees you to find out who and what else you are. It isn't easy to reach self- acceptance. Everything in our society is aimed at people being discontented with their bodies. Without the help of supportive friends and/or family and help from the size acceptance movement, it's very difficult to be objective about our weights… It's important to do all the things you say about which, "I can't do that until I lose weight." You'll discover that you can do many of them without weight loss. You've got to take risks. . . . Not accepting your body is the craziest form of self-denial there is."
Finding #2: Higher self-esteem was associated with giving up the attempt to lose weight.
Almost all personality and self-esteem measures were significantly healthier for the people who claimed they would not try to lose weight again.
Most of the respondents reported feeling generally better about their bodies over time, and a number of factors seemed to be associated with this change, including feeling less shame, less of a need to please others, less willingness to postpone life, a greater tolerance for conflict, and increased self-control.
Finding #3: People who felt they had little control over their weight in particular felt greater feelings of self-control in general.
There is a strong cultural equation between thinness and the attribution of self-control, and, conversely, between fatness and the assumption of a lack of self-control. Each person is assumed to be able to "control" her weight through self-discipline. Therefore it would seem that people who have an investment in dieting would claim to feel a greater sense of self-control than people who had "given up."
But the experience of 95 percent of the people who diet is that they regain weight. A person who has dieted unsuccessfully is therefore left with a choice between believing that weight can be controlled and she lacks the self-control to do it successfully, or believing that weight cannot be controlled and that dieting failures are not a reflection of an overall lack of self-control. The people who adopt the former belief express a sense of shame and frustration
It seems that self-esteem suffers when a person assumes that a diet failed because she/he is a "failure." More and more, the argument is being made that diets fail not because of excess emotionality or lack of self-control, but rather because of a combination of normal physiological and psychological reactions to caloric deprivation. Attributing the failure of diets to these factors seemed to preserve respondents self-esteem.
It seems that some large people are reassessing what they are able to control. Many are giving up the struggle to be thin, working on accepting their bodies as they are, and treating themselves as kindly as they can in the present. By trying to give their bodies nutritious food and pleasant physical activity, they are feeling better.
It is time for those in the business of giving advice to large people to begin questioning whether dieting is the answer. More important, it is time for large people to listen to each other and their own internal truths about pain, joy, and the potential to live the best life possible!
DEBBY BURGARD, Ph.D., is the coauthor (with Pat Lyons) of Great Shape: The First Fitness Guide for Large Women. She works as a therapist in Palo Alto, California.
