I'm getting married on July 25th. It's not my first time, I'm not 18 years old and I'm not a size 8. Are you shocked? Well, when I went looking for a wedding dress, plenty of people were. It was not a pleasant experience. It took two long, arduous days of shopping to find what I wanted.
Just for the record, I am 5' 3", 32 years old, around 12 stone and take a size 18-20 in clothes. A lot of my size is due to having four children in 5 ½ years, which stretched my stomach to the point of always looking pregnant, even though my youngest is almost six now. Before having kids, I was a competitive gymnast with super-taut muscles. Not any more.
The first time, I went into the Mall with my Mum, stepfather, Nik (my fiance) and my four kids - three daughters and a son. One daughter felt way to old to be a bridesmaid (she's 11), the middle one wanted to wear boys' trousers, the little one wanted to wear a big fancy dress costume from the Disney Store and my son said he'd wear smart-casual at a push. But sorting out the kids proved to be the least of our problems.
We tried all the clothes shops there, including Monsoon where I got my previous wedding dress from. Apparently, pretty dresses - whether for brides, bridesmaids or anyone going somewhere posh - stop in a 16. If you're lucky. I saw more size 6 dresses (!) than size 18.
At the end of that first day's shopping, I felt like sh*t! I seemed to have changed from an overweight, but quite happy and well-balanced (no, really!) woman into an obese naughty schoolgirl. I had suffered sidelong glances, sneers and hurtful comments from shop assistants, other customers and some of my family. I was close to tears and just wanted to go home and hide away.
My Mum was, by this time, suggesting I try a different tactic and look for a "mother of the bride" outfit!! I'm only 32, my eldest daughter isn't even a teenager!
I was convinced that I would only be happy wearing my old jogging bottoms or jeans to get married in - well, that was if I had a choice. It appeared I didn't. I was officially too fat to get married.
We waited a month or so to try again, it took me that long to get my confidence back. This time, I went into the city centre with my Mum and my best friend (Hi Allie!), which was much better.
Allie (ajools on Dooyoo) has a wonderful attitude. Her positive thinking is an inspiration and she's a beautiful woman, but not a size 8 either. Her philosophy is that men with larger wives are lucky, because they are curvier and sexier. Believe me, when you're having a cuppa in Debenhams after hours of fruitless searching, that's just what you need to hear.
The first place we tried was Pronuptia, one of the big names in bridal wear. There were lots of different styles available, plenty of gorgeous colours and we found several that would have suited me.
We asked if they had anything in a size 18 or 20. The snooty assistant looked disgustedly at my vile blubber and sneered "We can order an 18, but we don't do anything bigger than that!" She couldn't have sounded more disgusted if I'd used her precious size 6 dresses as loo roll - which, of course, I didn't. (Just avoid the white one on the left…)
I bit my tongue and politely enquired how long it would take to order a size 18. She said "Twelve weeks". Great, I'm getting married in July! We left the shop, making snide comments at the snooty woman with her nose up in the air. I promised to make sure I was thin "next" time I got married.
Then we tried Debenhams, Evans, BHS and every clothes shop in the middle of Bristol. There was nothing suitable in Debenhams. Evans don't do bridal wear (yet) but we did buy a long purple skirt that might have been okay with a dressier top.
BHS had one size 18 - a second-hand wedding dress with grease stains on the bottom. Despite boasting of a range from 8 to 18, there were no other size 18 dresses in the bridal section, nor tops or skirts either.
Allie had a wonderful idea that when I was feeling down, we should stop for a cup of tea or an ice cream, so we did that, which helped. Mum had bought me a few other clothes too, so that was nice, but we were still no closer to finding my wedding dress and getting married in jeans was becoming a probability.
Walking along, I noticed a shop called Ann Harvey which said it did sizes from 16 to 28 (I think). It was a posh shop, but we had a look in.
Despite it not actually selling wedding dresses, I found something almost straight away - a separate top, skirt and jacket in an oyster colour and a kind of lacy beaded effect - hard to describe, but beautiful.
I tried it on, the size 18s were too big and I had to get a size 16 instead! (Yippee!) The other customers heard me, Mum and Allie talking about my wedding and all came to have a look at me dressed up in my outfit. They were all wonderful, very sweet and friendly - as were the staff.
We bought the outfit, it was about £180 in total. I went in the shop feeling huge, ugly and completely unsuitable for public viewing. I came out happy, sorted for my wedding outfit and a size 16! :-)
But why should I (and other larger women) have to go through such an experience for what should be "the happiest day of our lives"? Why should something that should be so nice become such a nightmare?
Aren't "fat" people allowed to get married? Is it illegal? Or are we just supposed to wear tents or clothes for the bride's mother?
In a society that is supposed to be developing into a more egalitarian, fairer, less-prejudiced one, how can it be allowed for shop assistants to treat you like a three-headed monster, just because you don't look like Victoria Beckham? Are there really more size 6 women around than size 18?
As we left the city centre, we drove past Pronuptia booing and making offensive hand gestures. Well, it made us feel a bit better anyway.
