his is the time of year when many people clean out their closets and dressers and pack away their summer clothing. At this time they sort through things and discard items no longer needed or suitable for another season. They also bring out their warm winter clothing and make preparations for the new season. It is a time to take a second look at the next season's clothing and decide if there are items that won't make the cut for the new season. It is a time to carefully check fabric, seams, zippers and buttons to see if there is a need for repair, patching or disposal.
Perhaps it is also a good time to sort through our lives and decide which habits, feelings and relationships to keep and which to discard. It would be a good time to carefully assess how we relate to the people around us, how we feel about them and how we relate to ourselves. We can look at our bad experiences, sour feelings, and our musty outlook on life. It is also time to seek out a fresh perspective, improve temperament and stir up enthusiasm for the new season. It is a time to alter or dispose of the negative and embrace more of the positives in our lives. We may have to look harder in come cases, but there are positives in all our lives.
Autumn is a time for reflection. The free feeling of warm summer months gives way to feeling the need to snuggle in for the cold winter months. It is a time to reflect on relationships, life philosophy and goals. In the spring we open our windows and let the sunshine in. We work on our yards and our gardens. Autumn should be the time when we work on our internal garden - plant seeds of improvement, tend them and prepare them to blossom in the spring.
Just as you take a garment in your hands and check the seams for splits and check the fabric for wear, you can do the same with relationships. Check to see if the friendship holds up to close scrutiny. Is this a person who is only present in your life when they need something from you? Are they there for you when you need them? Does it take more energy to maintain this relationship than it is worth? Do you share thoughts with this person only to hear these same thoughts quoted back to you by a third person? Is this person someone you truly enjoy?
Do you hold onto long-term friendships simply because they used to be close, comforting and valuable? If you find, upon inspection, that a relationship is more draining than fulfilling, perhaps it is time to distance yourself from that person. Sometime we find that we are always the one to make contact, plan events and go the extra mile with a person only to discover that it is not worth it in the long run. Finding that someone we thought of as a friend is actually draining on our psyche can be a liberating discovery. It may be all that is needed to let go of the friendship or mentally notch it down to a more casual friendship.
Examine relationships to see if they still fit you. Just as we pack away or discard clothing that no longer fits, we can do the same with relationships. We continue to grow and learn from our experiences and our friendships. At times we outgrow what we need from someone or what we can offer them as a friend. If, after scrutiny, you decide a relationship is not worth the time and effort you put into it, it may be time to consider changing the way you view the relationship. Perhaps it is time to stop considering them a close personal friend and start thinking of them as a casual friend, an acquaintance or ease them out of your life entirely.
Are you accepting too little from others and giving too much of yourself? If you are, know that that is the route to burnout and resentment. True friendship is mutual. Don't you feel good when you do something special for someone? Wouldn't it be nice to let your friend feel the same joy? Wouldn't it feel good to know that you are appreciated and valued? Allow others to give to you.
It is a good time to examine your relationship with yourself. Look to see if you are abusive to yourself in the way you view yourself and the way you present yourself to others. Do you shy away from activities you enjoy because you believe you are too big, too stupid, or too awkward? Do you refuse to try something new for fear of what others might think or say? Are you the first to say negative things about yourself? Are you as willing to give yourself the same understanding and kindness that you extend to a friend when it is needed?
To elevate your self-esteem, you might consider investing in a makeover. Take a long look at yourself and decide what it is that you don't like about your appearance. Is it your hair? Make an appointment for a good haircut and style just because you deserve one. Is it your face that makes you unhappy? Visit a cosmetics counter that offers makeovers. Pay attention to what they tell you and how you can attain the same effect. Invest in new makeup if you can. Perhaps it is time to look at a new style of clothing. If you are a casual dress type of person, you might want to take a friend or spouse and visit a few stores. Try on new styles to find a new look for yourself. Consider putting some excitement and color into your wardrobe.
Do you feel that you have gotten a bit dull over the years? Now is the time to find your spark. Seek out classes, organizations, leagues, seek to volunteer, to join, to add to yourself. Meeting new people gives you a chance to take a look at yourself from a new perspective and present this new self to new people. The suggestion is not that you become a totally new person, simply that you take one step beyond your usual boundaries. Instead of being the one to laugh at the jokes of others, put yourself out there and tell a joke. Instead of always being on the clean up committee, volunteer for a decision-making committee.
Autumn is here. Reap the harvest of experiences you have gained thus far in life, separate the wheat from the chaff, be thankful for the good things in life and repair or remove as much as possible the things that impede your happiness.
