ave you ever offered a heartfelt compliment to someone, only to have them answer you in a way that all but said that you didn't know what you were talking about and perhaps your judgment was poor? Have you ever been so flustered from an unexpected compliment that you practically insulted the complimenter and felt like a fool afterward? Accepting compliments gracefully is not a talent with which many of us are blessed. However, with forethought and practice, we can learn to give and receive compliments graciously.
Many people are uncomfortable accepting compliments and in their discomfort, make both parties feel awkward and uncomfortable. Perhaps this is done because the complimentee feels unworthy of praise. Perhaps it is because of wariness in feeling prideful. Possibly it is because the complimentee doubts the sincerity of the complimenter. Whatever the reason for fumbling when complimented, a simple "Thank You" lets both off the hook.
The simplest way to accept a compliment is to say "Thank you." For people not comfortable with accepting compliments, this would be the easiest habit to practice. For someone easily flustered by personal attention, it is also the shortest answer and could become an automatic answer with some practice.
Refusing to accept a compliment suggests that the complimenter had poor judgment, that they aren't perceptive, are mistaken, or are giving phony praise. The compliment offerer says, "My what a beautiful suit. It looks lovely on you." Your response, "This ratty old thing? I throw it on when I'm not going anywhere special." That type of response destroys the good feelings the complimenter was attempting to engender. The person extending the compliment offered an opinion and your response indicated that their opinion was wrong. This person will now be less likely to compliment you again.
Accepting a compliment with a simple "Thank you" is polite and by embellishing then returning something, both feel better. "My what a beautiful suit. It looks lovely on you." "Thank you! This is my favorite shade of blue and I think it brings out the color of my eyes." Using this response tells the complimenter how clever, astute, and intelligent they are for noticing how lovely you look in your favorite color. This person would feel very positive about offering you compliments in the future.
My suggestion is to take all compliments, congratulations and praise at face value. Presume that anyone taking the time and effort to extend a compliment is sincere. If you are complimented on something about which you don't feel positive, accept the compliment with a friendly "Thank You" and take a second look at it with fresh eyes. It is possible that others see something that you do not. If you have had an item for years or have had an ability since childhood, you may take it for granted. When complimented, you are tempted to pass it off as insincere. If this is the first time the complimenter has encountered this item or ability, they may be genuinely impressed.
If someone compliments you on a job well done and you know there are hidden flaws, resist the temptation to point them out. Imagine that you have made a quilt and one square is not quite even. You, of course, are very aware of the flaw. However, anyone else looking at the quilt only sees the beauty of the quilt and the unimagined hours you put into making it. Their compliment is for the overall job done on the quilt and an expression of their admiration. By pointing out the odd square, it destroys the good feelings the complimenter is trying to share.
It is much better to be gracious and tell the complimenter, "Thank you for the compliment. I did work long and hard to make the best quilt I could." This is the truth and allows both you and the person offering the compliment to feel good.
I would suggest that if you have problems accepting compliments, that you practice thanking the person offering the compliment and go no further. Once you are comfortable with thanking people for compliments, progress to adding a few comments to help the complimenter feel good also. Practice makes perfect!
