A recent post on the More2Hug forum really got me thinking. James explained how his wife is treated because of her weight. She is a large woman and it seems that until people get to know her, she is not recognized and accepted as the delightful person her friends and family know her to be. There are assumptions made about her simply because of her weight!
I hate that! A person can be overweight for a myriad of reasons including metabolism, thyroid problems, genetics, depression, family upbringing, etc. But, sometimes society automatically labels larger people as being lazy, sedentary, sloppy, overeaters, stupid, etc. These labels are not only ugly, they are simply not true as across the board generalities.
This type of stereotyping is not limited to overweight individuals. It is as ludicrous as believing that all black people sit on the front porch eating fried chicken and watermelon, that all native Americans drink fire water and beat a tom-tom, or that all white people are crackers who eat chitlins 'n' gravy! Sounds crazy, huh?
So do we really care what a group of people with extreme tunnel vision think about us? Yes and no. We still live in this weird world, and therefore a certain amount of societal acceptance can be important, but, the ultimate acceptance has to come from within. Yes, I am referring to the old cliche concerning loving oneself. No matter what your weight, loving yourself is the ultimate challenge because, after all, you must actually LIVE in that skin of yours. The more we accept and love ourselves, the more we exude openness and confidence. The more acceptance and love we offer, the more acceptance and love we receive. It's an odd but effective cycle - a strange "inner dynamics" thing.
Personally, I'm a firm believer in the "fake it till ya make it" theory. What I mean by this is that even if you cannot seem to find ways in which to feel good about yourself, you can FAKE yourself into feeling good until your mindset changes. This definitely takes practice, but here are some of the things I try to do.
#1: I make sure I'm clean, well groomed, and that I look my best. I spend at least 10 minutes putting on make-up and doing my hair for the day, even if I'm staying home alone. This helps me to feel good about my appearance.
#2: I have made a concerted effort to surround myself with relationships that I feel are healthy and uplifting. I hold onto friends who have open and accepting hearts, you know, the nonjudgmental kind. I let the overly-needy or controlling ones who drag me down go by the wayside. At first, this was difficult because I love to be needed. In the end, I found it was something I had to do, for my own well-being.
#3: I stay in contact with uplifting friends and when I'm feeling down on life or myself, they are there to pick me up. They often remind me of my good qualities and strengths. At other times, they just listen while I talk a bad mood into a good mood. I do the same for them. Some people prefer to make a list of pros and cons when working through an issue or blue mood. I think that method works better for visual people. I'm a verbal person so talking to friends or even myself works best for me.
#4: I try to contemplate my goals for life, living, and relationships. Then I remind myself of, yes even by talking out loud, my personal accomplishments. Short term goals I've met and long term goals that I'm actively working toward are an awesome reminder that I'm in no way lost in this world of cynics and naysayers. I am making progress. And after all, has anyone ever reached perfection? I'll settle for progress any day.
The "fake it 'til ya make it" theory may sound trite, and it is in no way a complete methodology on self acceptance and gaining acceptance by others, but it helps me and I wanted to share the idea with you.
James, I'll bet your wife is one hell of a great woman! She must be. She has got you and her real friends by her side. Anyone who refuses to see her true beauty is, unfortunately, blind.
I'd love to hear your thoughts on the topic. Please feel free to share them either on the More2Hug forum or in article form on More2Hug.com.
Next Week - Feel Good Foods....
